This One Time, At Daycare
by D.L. SchizoAuthoress
Summary: The Gundam people as kindergardeners! Read, laugh, reveiw! Read, don't laugh, flame! (all flames will be used to load my magical cannon!) ONE-SHOT


"This One Time, At Daycare..."  
SchizoAuthoress  
  
A little boy sat on the floor, playing with alphabet blocks. His blue eyes narrowed in concentration, he brushed his unruly dark hair out of his face, and arranged the blocks to spell,  
  
Omae o korosu.  
  
"Ninmu kanryo." The two-year old said with satifaction.  
  
Ominously, a dark shadow fell over the blocks. He looked up warily.  
  
"Hi! My name is Wewena! Can I pway wif you?" The adorable, pink-clad toddler smiled at him innocently.  
  
"You are jepordizing my mission. You must be eliminated." Heero replied coldly, picking up his little black pistol. He aimed it and hit Relena in the face...  
  
With a jet of cold water. Relena wailed, and Heero made his escape.  
****  
Meanwhile, out in the sandbox, a pair of boys were building sand mounds. One was a cute little two-year-old blond; he was petting a fluffy white bunny and getting it all sandy. The other was a quiet, green-eyed three-year-old whose brown bangs fell over his right eye.  
  
Across the sandbox, two girls of about three years were playing with Barbies, burying Ken dolls up to the neck.  
  
"Y'see, Hilde?" Dorothy explained, "Girls are best, and boys stink."  
  
"Boys stink!" Hilde said enthusiastically. She stuck her tongue out at the oblivious pair of boys.  
  
"Hey, T'owa? Help me build a cas'le?"  
  
Trowa nodded silently. He moved beside Quatre, so that the younger boy couldn't see what he was doing. When he stepped back, there was an intricate castle, complete with towers and turrets and battlements.  
  
"Needs a moat." Trowa commented.  
  
Suddenly, someone screamed. A six-year-old girl with loose brown hair and brown eyes charged through the sandbox, yelling, "Go away, Trieze!"  
  
Two older boys--the blond looked about six, and the ginger-haired one eight--chased Elizabeth Une with Supersoakers. In the resulting melee, the castle was destroyed. And then they left, not noticing the damage they'd done.  
  
Quatre shrieked, "No faaaiir!" and proceeded to have a tantrum, the toddler equivalent to 'going Zero.' Dorothy and Trowa were hit in the face with handfuls of sand.   
  
Once Quatre realized that he'd just 'hurt' his best friend, he suddenly calmed down and cried, "Oh, no! I'm sorry, T'owa!"  
  
The brunette shook his head like a wet dog, flipping his bangs to the left side of his face. "No problem."  
****  
Heero sat at the clay table, carefully working a lump of multi-colored Play-Doh into a laptop.  
  
"Ooh, pwetty! Wiw ya wet me pway with ya now?"  
  
Without looking up, Heero proceeded to squirt Relena's frilly pink dress with his gun. Relena shrieked and ran away.  
****  
A little child...it was a bit hard to tell at first sight whether a boy or a girl, sat coloring at another table. The picture was mostly black and red.  
  
It consisted of a church, a group of people labeled, 'bad guys,' fire, and a tall black figure with a green scibble in its hands. The boy wrote crookedly, "By Duo Maxwel" across the top.  
  
Duo sighed sadly and fiddled with the small gold cross that hung around his neck.  
****  
A chubby-cheeked little boy with black hair and eyes toddled over to the TV and turned it on. After pushing some buttons, he sat down to watch.  
  
~Today on People's Court...~  
  
"Ooh...justice..." Wufei cooed happily.  
****  
Behind the daycare building, Heero gathered buckets of Legos for a mysterious purpose. He looked around cautiously when, suddenly,  
  
"Heewo, watcha doin'? You gonna hurt somebody?"  
  
"Relena." He growled flatly.  
  
Relena smiled. "That's me! Wiw ya pway wit me?"  
  
"You're in over your head." Heero snapped, turning and pointing the water pistol at her. She screamed and cowered. Just then...  
  
"Hey, creep!" Duo charged around the corner, firing his Supersoaker 9000 right at Heero. "We don't squirt girls where I come from!"  
  
Heero hit the ground, dripping wet and very, very angry. Relena screamed again, and dove in front of him.  
  
"Don' do it! Don' ya huwt Heewo!"  
  
"Wait, now I'm the bad guy?" Duo asked, looking adorably confused. He shrugged. "Whatever. I'm gonna go color."  
  
"Oh, wet me pway!" Relena begged, running after the boy with the braid.  
  
Heero was left alone to complete his mission, which made him very, very happy.  
****  
~And the court rules in favor of the...~ click ~She is the one, Sailormoon!~  
  
Wufei turned around and shrieked in rage, "Onna! You have obstructed justice!"  
  
Sally Po stood with her arms defiantly crossed over her chest and glared at the younger child. "I *always* watch 'Sailormoon' at daycare. You can't stop me, kid."  
  
Wufei snatched the remote from Sally's hand and screamed, "JUSTICE!" right before whacking her upside the head with it.  
  
Sally screamed and ran to get the daycare instructor. The poor woman sighed, popped her migraine medication and went to punish the little boy for his violent tendencies.  
  
"Wufei. You *know* that you're not supposed to hit people." She said flatly as she picked up the struggling toddler and forcibly dumped him in the 'time out pen.'  
  
"But-but...she changed the channel! The judge shoulda ruled in favor of the plaintiff, and I don't know if he did!"  
  
Wearily, the woman shook her finger at him and scolded, "No excuses, lawyer-boy. Ten minutes time out."  
  
"Ten minutes!" Wufei shrieked, "Injustice! Discrimination! You favor Po because she's female!"  
  
"Make that fifteen minutes, since you're not being quiet in time out."  
  
"I'll sue! Get me a lawyer! I want Johnnie Cochran!" Wufei yelled as she turned and walked away, "You'll never work in this daycare again!"  
  
-If only...- The instructor thought sadly. And then she went to go find her Paxil.  
****  
"Ninmu kanryou." Heero said as he put the finishing touches on his project. It was a 1/50 scale replica of Wing Zero built entirely of Legos. He threaded the garden hose through the Buster Rifle and took his seat in the cockpit.  
  
Suddenly, Relena popped up. "Wow! Thas so coow!"  
  
Heero's eyes seemed to glow with an insane gold light as he aimed at her. "Die, Relena."  
  
The force of the water-blast knocked down Relena, and she lay there, all crumpled up and soaked. Heero was just about to jump down and do The Gundam Pilot Victory Dance (tm) when Relena jumped to her feet and wailed,  
  
"I'm tewwing teacha!"  
  
"No one can get my Gundam's secrets," Heero hissed. "I must self-destruct."  
  
He detached a single square Lego and the entire thing fell apart.  
****  
The daycare lady came around the corner to find Relena tangled in the garden hose, and Heero quietly playing in a giant pile of Lego blocks.  
  
"Relena Dorlian!" The woman yelled, "Your father is going to be so angry with me! Look at your muddy clothes!"  
  
"But-but...Heewo!"  
  
"Heero was playing by himself, you troublemaker! Come inside, you've been a bad girl."  
  
Heero grinned. "Ninmu kanryou."  
  
END  
  
Epilogue:  
Duo never got the counseling he needed and developed the split personality of "Shinigami"  
  
Quatre inherited his father's fortune and started an animal shelter.  
  
Trowa does sand sculptures in his spare time, and once had a critical meltdown when the elephants tracked through his 'masterpiece.'  
  
Wufei is still trying to hire Johnnie Cochran, who won't take the case. Mr. Chang is considering law school.  
  
Dorothy never forgave Quatre for the sand incident, and *that's* why she tried to kill him during their duel.  
  
Heero became the hero.  
  
Relena became the Queen of the World.  
  
And the daycare lady quit, went back to school, and now teaches high school biology quite happily. 


End file.
